Today is another of those emotional roller coasters. Will you bear with me as I process?
Last night was our first women’s Bible study of the season.
These study groups meet once a month, and then in small groups of about three another time of the month for more intimate fellowship and discipleship. I’m excited to meet women I haven’t yet had the chance to know. We are a good mix of ages – singles, young mothers, “older” moms.
We enjoyed laughter and simply relaxing together. Our study began in I Peter 1:1-12.
I realized I haven’t laughed much lately.
I will miss these studies and relationship building.
And then….the gals wanted to hear about where I’m going. Each were engaged and “excited” to hear about our up and coming adventure. Each were eager with support and encouragement. Wow….this is new for me.
I came away from the evening with a reminder….
Jesus IS my blessing. I need nothing else.
Following a special evening like this, there’s this fatigue that sets in from awkward emotions. Other families are also leaving our church for foreign places…but, for a much more extended time. I feel the guilt of being more focused on my venture. I don’t feel comfortable with that.
I struggle with insignificance in service. Silly, I know.
It’s hard. We’ve always been the behind-the-scenes support for a very long time. How do we shift from sending to going?
Needs come up for these families and we are always wanting to be available, to offer what we can. I am finding I don’t have the emotional stamina I thought I would. The sense of disappointment of not being available overwhelms me.
I met for coffee a few days ago with a long-time dear friend. After our meeting, we walked to our cars, and she turned and said to me…
“Sandi, I sense a melancholy about you lately. This will be my prayer for you. I want to see my old friend again.”
Tears well up even now. I’m touched by such a friend. I’m touched that someone “sees.” I’m touched that Jesus IS my blessing.
As I told our study leader in an email….I’m realizing what I’m leaving behind…and I’m “only” going to be gone three months. But, as the ladies asked more questions and in their excitement shared how they wanted to come alongside and hear about our time….I found my heart lift and the excitement of wanting to share and show our adventures grew stronger.
Yes, I’m leaving behind new friends, a new grandson and his new mommy and daddy, my familiar ways of doing things, my security and predictability….
I’m looking forward to the new friends ahead in a foreign place, new sites and wonders, new opportunities to discover and use what God has given me in my 56 years.
People have asked if I’m excited, and I’ve responded…”Well, more anxious and curious than excited.” I think my anticipation is shifting and each day there’s new anticipation and expectancy….and, yes, excitement. I’m looking forward to laughing again.
Have you felt a melancholy when facing a new adventure? I’d love to hear your story in the comments.